somewhere i don't belong.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but somehow despite having 2 meals per meal a day, having cable television, and seeing my family and friends again, I still aren't quite satisfied. That of course being an ironic word, since one is hardly ever satisfied even though if you get what you ask for in the first place.

There's something very unfamiliar in this place now. And this is past the culture shock of returning back, the surreal feeling of recognition of old places and feelings and whathaveyous. It's just that, I feel like I don't quite fit in anymore. I don't suppose it's any thing to do with having called Melbourne home for a few years, but just seeing the way certain people behave just tends to put me off. I spend my time in the city wishing I wasn't among the unruly throng of people.

And there's alot of issues that have yet found closure here. One of the reasons I actually left here for Australia is also to escape from bad memories here. Not all of them were bad, just a few that I was too young and immature to deal with then. Now certain places evoke certain painful memories, and there's alot of scars and debris left. There's alot of cracks I can't seal with apologies alone, and alot of places I wish I didn't have to revisit lately. And I've come to accept that you don't run away from your past; it comes back in little places along the way.

And there's a distinct longing for the familiar once more, for the comfortable. The knowledge in knowing that while the pain won't quite go away, sometimes there are places to hide and find refuge, even if just for awhile.

Maybe it has something to do with listening to John Mayer's Comfortable too many times, but I'm getting melancholic about alot of things these days. The streets seem a little too empty at night, and despite being in crowds so often, you feel a little lost and a little lonely these days.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just now. Maybe I just need time to remember. Or maybe I just need time to forget.

Maybe I just need to go away.

. Arigato .