being candid.

S asked me what my real personality was yesterday.

Today, after having an oversized brilliant imagination of a new experimental meal (I have this thing for Jap-Western fusion), I decided to try it out on unsuspecting housemates and friends. In my mind, it sounded pretty awesome (a miso patty burger with shitake, enoki and egg, with wasabi mayo sauce, on a bed of teriyake-sesame seasoned long beans).

It turned out pretty horribly, actually. The food was cold and way too oily, the patty was too big and sweet, certain combos just didn't work well, and all in all a bad experience gastronomically, and personally as my own chef. I was pretty disappointed and angry with myself for attempting such an ambitious stunt and failing that badly, and had to take a long hot shower to cool off.

And I realize that despite no real knowledge nor training or experience with cooking, I do have a strong passion for cooking. But when things don't turn out right in the kitchen, I go into overdrive and can become a real hard-to-please sulk. I would criticize myself to the point that I would refuse attempts to feel any better.

And because of this incident and how I reacted, I realized that I have been on the edge for awhile. Not that I have really been greviously overworked or anything, but just that perhaps on many fronts I am rather drained and require refreshing. Like a spring wound too tightly, I needed to just take some things more easily and slowly.

But what exactly is my personality? With some conversations previously, I apparently - according to a less-than-valid online test - am a sanguine-choleric. I don't know about now though. Which means to me that despite occasionally being able to assume a more social approach, there are times I simply need a timeout from everything.

Well at least there's still Monday left.

God save the holid--Queen. I mean, Queen...

. Arigato .