cartharsis.

The thing is,

life just isn't fair.

Sugar coat it if you want. Spin it a nicer angle, dress it up, add fairy dust and colour it however you want. But the truth is life isn't. Period.

Sure there are things you can't quantify. Fair enough. But for those that you can, you know not everyone gets the same treatment.

Nice guys finish last. People who are jerks and heartless climb on top of the pile and crap all over the rest. The rat race is real and a part of daily life. Poverty, famine, disease and disasters are rife and rampant. If you're born into that situation, you got the short end of the deal.

Some people ask, if there is a God, why is there pain and injustice in the world?

I think the answer is actually quite simple. It is because of choice. Because humans want the freedom to choose. Thus the presence of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and the fruit. And because our tragic hero chose otherwise, the consequences follow through. Is it fair? No it's not. But Adam had first dibs on choice, so unfortunately we got the aftermath. Would things be different if we were there? I doubt so. I think all of us would pick the fruit. Why do I presume? Because Adam did, and we are all essentially the same ideas.

Do you have to agree with what I'm saying? No you don't. But you have to let me finish anyway. Heh.

When people notice you're down in the dumps, they tend to take on two common reactions. The first - and my personal non-fondness of this is somewhat unrivalled - is the don't worry and everything is going to be alright/get better approach. Firstly, worry is not always something you can not do. Especially if it concerns you. Secondly, my dear friend, not everything turns out or gets better in the end. Life is not very disney-esque, so happy endings are particularly few and far between.

Second is the look on the bright side / at least you're not (insert worser situation). The trouble with this mechanism is that it actually doesn't make you feel any better. No really. It's true that your relationship problems or financial situation will probably compare nowhere near to what the people in Haiti or Iraq go through. But when you're dumped, or broke, their misery doesn't solve your problems either. In fact it makes you feel worse because you start questioning why our world is a massive fail. And in fact, if you actually feel better in comparison, then shame on you for delighting in their misery, you punk!

See, the thing with grace is that it is freely given. So what that means is sometimes others get better deals in life because they do. Period. No really. Some people are richer because well, they had richer parents, some who work very hard to be in that affluent position. Some people can be real douchebags, yet go out with awesome guys and girls because well, I suppose awesome guys and girls sometimes make wrong choices.

Point is, cest la vie and all that asides, this is the way it is.

And I lament, because I am terribly t i r e d of this answer. I read the news everyday and I get more questions and feel angry that this world is that messed up. My life isn't so bad, but my mum's one is kinda difficult, and I can't do anything for her. I've learnt that the workplace can be ruthless if need be, and it sucks to be the scapegoat, but everyone wants one. And I think you probably don't need me to get started on relationships and all that. Perhaps the simple truth is either I'm really unlucky or I just suck at it. I don't know and at this point, I don't really care much either way anymore.

I'm tired of feeling sad everyday. Maybe I'm bitter and disappointed too, but mostly just sad. I'm tired of it being the only emotion I feel. But I won't consider off-ing myself because it doesn't solve anything nor make me feel better, and would probably cause alot of inconvenience all around. Therefore, I mope and I lament and I withdraw from people and I suffer and I listen to sad angry music.

And I write.

So there.


. arigato .