day zero.

A lot of things can happen in a month.

A lot of things can happen in a few days.

And sometimes, like today, a lot can happen in a day as well.

I think I've spent the most of the past week moping and feeling very sorry for myself. It's a horrible ordeal, and I wish I wouldn't have to go through that again. But inevitably, I like playing the sorry tragic hero, so I wouldn't quite count on it.

Today was pretty difficult as well. The lack of sleep and emotional stability coupled together with stress and copious amounts of work doesn't really go well. I think I pretty much annoyed the heck out of my colleague, trying to drag myself through the day. The only good to come out of it, for pity's sake, is that it's always nice to know someone cares.

Curiously enough, it took a hot meal after coffee fatigue, a nap, and a viewing of Star Trek the film to wake me out of the doldrums. I'm not even remotely a Trekkie, but I guess it did remind me that heroes are that other guy who chooses to do what they have to do in the face of adversity.

Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to, and it certainly doesn't owe you a favour to at least be decent sometimes. But things don't always work out and you can either stay stuck and quit, or just keep trying. I've come to accept that perhaps it's better to live it knowing it's not for me, but if I could make some people happier, I'm half better off than most.

I may not know the truth of the matter, but I'm kinda expecting the word to slip out anyway. And it's okay. Things happen, and I'm not bitter nor am I going to stay disappointed by it. We'll pretend it never happened, and I'll pretend it's okay, and eventually we can stop pretending after we get used to it.

And I guess turning to work may not be the ideal solution, but it helps. And I've come to acknowledge that I do like my job. And even if I don't earn as much as the high-flyers, nor is it particularly glamorous, I take comfort in knowing that part of what I do may determine someone's better future. I like knowing that I am helping some people make important decisions for their lives, and I take pride in knowing that I have worked hard to be where I am, and considering how long I've been here and my age, I dare say I've done well. And because my team and alot of other people depend on me, it is a nice feeling to know that you are important in a way.

We'll be okay one day.


. arigato .