The Pigs.
Once upon a time, there were three pigs, named Hans, Mikel and Vinnie. Upon their mother's untimely death, they came into possession a certain amount of inheritance.
Each pig however, had their own ideas on how to split the money. Being the eldest, however, has it advantages. And Vinnie made sure he took advantages of his brothers by claiming the biggest share. Mikel thus had an average leverage, while Hans got whatever was left. With their newly accumulated wealth, each of the pigs decided to invest in a new house.
Having the least amount, Hans spent it on purchasing a brewery and a field. He used part of the barley wheat crop planted on the field to build himself a humble abode made of straw, and drank himself silly every other night.
Mikel, who had a better, but nevertheless, still miserly portion of the inheritance, erected himself a wooden shack of sticks. Together with his less-than-respectable mates, he made the shack the biggest gambling den of the forest.
The eldest brother Vinnie, however, was more shrewd and had more common sense than his brothers did. Paying off several 'talented' labourers, he constructed a solid luxurious villa made up of stolen bricks from several construction sites. With the remaining cash, Vinnie hired himself several thugs, to persuade his fellow neighbours into paying him a monthly interest - which in return Vinnie would look after their 'interest'.
***
All was relatively peaceful, until the unfortunate arrival of a real nasty character. His name was Mr Bigsby Wolf. He was also called Howard on some occasions by his mother, despite vehement objections. Mr Bigsby Wolf was what one would call a freeloader, and spent his time freeloading and begging for money, in which he used to indulge himself in the local whorehouses.
Upon hearing of the newly acquired wealth of the Pigs, Mr Bigsby Wolf had the idea in his rather dim-witted head that they would be more than willing to part their inheritance with him, if he asked them nicely. So on one fine day, he took it upon himself to pay each of them a visit.
Mr Bigsby Wolf started the first leg of his journey at the straw abode of Hans.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
"Mr Bigsby Wolf. Howdy partner, I just wanted to --"
"Sorryy...(hic) I'mma too beeeshee for you. Comme back annuva time..." Hans slurred through the door.
"You sound like you've been hitting the tap. Well, I'm just hankering after a beer meself, if ya don't mind..."
"Pisshh off, you faggott."
"Now look here, I was just trying to --"
"I said...Pisshh off...(hic)"
It was at this point of time that Mr Bigsby Wolf lost his patience. He was hungry, and he was thirsty, and he hated folks who had no time for him.
"Let me in, you little shit. Or I'll mow your house down!"
"Whaa...? Git losst..."
Mr Wolf leapt into the harvester parked in the field. He slammed the throttle into first gear and rammed right into the house. The straw abode stood no chance as the harverster proceeded to thresh the walls into pieces. Hans immediately took off in fright, albeit in a drunken stupor.
Mr Wolf then happily helped himself to the bottles of beer strewn around the table. After having his fill, he decided to try his luck at the second brother's home.
It wasn't long before Mr Wolf reach Mikel's gambling den.
Knock knock.
No answer.
"Hey Mister. I'm just after a bite to eat. If you could spare --"
"Fark off."
"I just --"
"Fark off. We don't do handouts."
Mr Bigsby Wolf had a short fuse.
"Look, you had better let me in, or I'll burn your house down!"
"Fark you."
Mr Wolf, galvanised with his first victory, decide to teach the punk a lesson. Taking a half-drunk bottle of vodka near the door, he tore off a strip of cloth, dipped it into the bottle and lit it. He then flung the Molotov cocktail. The deadly bottle smashed onto the wooden roof, the tendrils of the fire sweeping across the entire house, as the flames eagerly sought out the dry burnable sticks. Mikel and his rag tag gang barely had time to run out before the shack of sticks collapsed and razed to the ground.
Mr Bigsby Wolf laughed at his handiwork. When the fires died, he proceeded to fill his stomach with whatever he could find in the burnt pots. Feeling lucky, he decided to make the final run, at the House of Vinnie's.
When Mr Wolf arrived at Vinnie's villa, he thought he must have stuck the jackpot, for the house looked even more lavish than the village's townhall.
This time, he decided to skip the formalities. He picked up a stick of construction dynamite for his Pièce de résistance
"Hey Piggy!", he called out. "Let me in, or I'll blow your house down!" Mr Wolf grinned, thinking himself clever. He was certain Vinnie's brothers would have informed him of their disastrous encounters with the wolf. He got ready to light the fuse. Suddenly he heard a noise.
Mr Wolf couldn't believe his luck when the big doors swung open. He strode confidantly--
--as his body was pumped full of lead, shattering his spine and killing him instantly.
In the end, it was Mr Bigsby Wolf who had his bacon fried.
. Arigato .
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