living on a prayer.

I've been away for far too long in many sense. Almost hiding in my shell like a hermit, waiting for good things to happen so I can step out and smile and write nice happy things on my blog.

But, if Sharizal would remember, sometimes Rule Number 1 occurs...

"Rule Number 1: Shit Happens..."

While I wouldn't exactly be singing to No Doubt's 'Tragic Kingdom', certainly I haven't exactly been receiving good news. My team England got dumped out of the World Cup, I've been at times in insufferable and foul moods, feeling lost and of course, one gigantic BAD NEWS.

And so while I've been contemplating seppuku and wondering how I am to deal with it, and how to get things right for 'Projekt://From the Inside Out' and drama for the Convention Ball, not to mention asking for funds for July Camp, Convention Ball and Convention itself, yet thanks to my Sue Mei she kindly reminded me that no matter what happens, God is in control.

While I'm always thinking: "What? How is that possible? When everything seems to be falling apart, you're telling me this is the good thing that God has in store for me?", I am reminded that God's plan isn't our version of what our life should be like. And sometimes bad things happen for a reason, something which I tend to forget nowadays.

My faith, which has been at times pounded and stretched, thankfully never leaves. And in spite of my circumstances, somehow I know that my worst case scenarios still include God's hand, which means as long as I walk with Him, things will work out according to His will.

So, while fear and loathing still might creep up, I know He's still there. Of course I wish I could turn back time and change things, and I know if given a second chance I will do all I can do really change things, all I can do is raise my hands in absolute surrender and trust Him.


. Arigato .